Mom’s Paws

 
Today I’d like to talk about Mom’s Paws. She’s  not here so I can say anything I want…. Her Paws Are Gigantic! Plus you humans have to know how it gives us furries the big eyes when we see your furless skin. It isn’t natural. Dad takes most of the fur off of his face and Mom takes all of the fur off of her legs. Brr, don’t human’s all know how much more attractive they’d be as a soft  Grey, Calico, Tortoise Shell or of course Orange Tabby?
 
People paws just aren’t as functional as our paws. We jump, climb, shred the couch – all in a days work! Our paws do fine. Ever hear humans walk barefoot? Hilarious! I wish I could imitate the sounds people make… Auwe! Auwe! Auwe!  Or Ow! Ow! Ow!  Just go to the beach on any hot sunny day and watch someone go across the sand barefoot. Their arms go up and they lift their legs extra high then they do a dance across the sand yelling “ooh’s”, “oowww’s”, and sometimes words Mom won’t let me say! I promise you’ll laugh ‘til your tummy hurts. Just look at Dad’s paws here, all tender.
 
As you can see Mom wears shoes out. If she likes them when they fall apart she puts them back together with Liquid Nails and clamps or Gorilla Glue. How do the make nails liquid anyway? And if they are liquid how do they hold stuff together? Wouldn’t screws work better?
Mom was mad at the Shoe Balance company because that gray pair of shoes was only worn 10 times when the side blew out during the Kona Marathon. What Mom needs is a Shoe Sponsor! So Companies like New Balance, Avia, or Rockridge can send applications to to my e-mail address….Oops, I don’t have one. Anyway they can contact me here. Companies like Jimmy Choo, Ferragamo  or Manolo need not apply! This is my best idea ever!!!

Here’s what I mean. Mom likes hiking shoes.           

Not these boots. Hey, I’m Puss In Boots! OK Boot. I need a sword! I find this kind of cozy myself.  

Mom has other shoes she likes to walk in, she loves these.
But she doesn’t ever wear this kind to go out hiking or walking. I’m not sure why. They sure look airy and cool.
Next time we have snow I’m going to pretend I’m sledding! Whee! Wheee!!!
OK , A sponsor would need Mom’s shoe size. I don’t understand shoe sizes. I think Mom wears a 38 um D. Uh Hmm, Oh maybe that is bra size. Hmm, yeah that is bra size but that is the size Dad wishes Mom’s bras were. Huh. Tonight when Dad leaves his laptop I’ll go on Amazon and add 38D’s to his “Wish List” Mom and Dad will be sooo proud of me!  Shoe sizes and Bra sizes are so similar. I wonder if women have something like that thing that measures their paws at the shoe store to measure their breasts. Do they buy bras by length and width? Mom likes a wide shoe. I wonder if they make a 38W.  I’m a free spirit, they will Never make me wear a bra!
 
I’m going to have to look at Mom’s shoes.
Wow, Mom wears Men’s shoes! That is OK, when no one is looking I eat dog food. It is yummy. Bonus it makes Kea’we mad! Oh, good times!


Told you she had HUGE PAWS! I’d better be nice to Mom she has paws like Godzilla! Ahhh, Screaming Army guys running as the great gray doom descends upon… Nothing can help you now…. Ahhhh!  Momzilla! Noooo!
Does anyone know…. Is this stuff really made out of Gorillas?

Mom just saw my post!!!! I’m in big trouble!!! 
Mom’s face is red and she is mumbling about “Yeah my feet are big, but I don’t have small breasts!”  Then something about a sea not being exactly a pancake. I'm confused and I don’t think I’ll be getting any treats tonight.